Welcome to another edition of the Fantasy Team Names Update. Writing this article might be my favorite part of each and every week. The innovation that it takes to think up some of these names is mind boggling. Do some of these names go too far? Absolutely. But does that make me love them more? You better believe it. For better or worse, the further you are willing to go with your fantasy team name, the better it usually turns out. No limits, no holds barred, just pure unadulterated fantasy team name action. Every single week, players across the fantasy sports world giggle in their cubicles and desk chairs as they think of the next great fantasy team name. For that, I thank you. I thank you for the entertainment value that comes with writing this article and reviewing the best names every week. It is always a blast. It’s like the SportsCenter Not Top 10. Everyone likes to see the best plays of the day, but the bloopers and the funnies are the best part week in and week out. Let’s see who made me chuckle this week.
Top 10 Names Last Month
1) To Kill A MarlonByrd – Nothing better to take the top spot in the past month of fantasy team names than a classic references to one of the most famous books of all time. “To Kill A Mockingbird” is such a great reference because everyone will understand it, so anytime you can mix in a knock on the journeyman Marlon Byrd, you are succeeding.
2) Takin’ A Leake – This one was mentioned in the last update but maintains its’ place in the monthly favorites. Takin A Leake, so simple yet so well-put.
3) Of Bryce and Men – TWO book references in the top three fantasy team names of the past month? Fantasy owners must be getting more intelligent and reading some great books. Who knew fantasy players had such an immense love for literary genius.
4) Dip of Choo is Good for Yu – Another one from the last update. As I said then, chewing tobacco references are always a good idea when it comes to fantasy baseball. Add-in Shin Soo Choo and Yu Darvish and you have solid gold.
5) Blowin’ Smoak Up Your Pujols – The classic turn of a phrase. “Blowin Smoke Up Your Ass” is a line as old as time and this coy little interpretation of that is definitely top notch stuff. Oh, and you will definitely be seeing a lot more of Justin Smoak’s name in this article and articles to come. His name is just too easy to manipulate.
6) JJ Putz The Lotion In The Basket – Creepy. I can picture Golem(spelling?) from Lord of the Rings and can’t really get past that. I’ve never actually read any Lord of the Rings book or seen an entire movie but EVERYONE knows that line from the creepy creature as it sits in a cave curled up. Cue the mass shuttering.
7) Livin Avila Loca – Upside inside out! She’s Livin La Vida Loca! She’ll push and pull you down! Livin La Vida Loca! Sing it Ricky Martin, let it out! Sorry for that outburst, but I was born in 1990 and grew up through the Boy Band craze. I’m not ashamed of it, and yes Aaron Carter’s CD was the first I ever owned. Haters gonna hate…
8) Cum Dempsters – Just filthy. Someone needs to get their mind out of the gutter. Actually, scratch that. I had a solid ‘laugh out loud’ when I read this so I can appreciate its simple genius. Definitely crosses that line of inappropriate though, but luckily I’m not the politically correct police.
9) Kipnis Everdeen: The Humber Games – A tradition as old as fantasy sports itself. Making topical references within a team name. The Hunger Games are sweeping the nation and this player was able to incorporate not one but TWO Major League Baseball players into his Hunger Games reference. Too bad the Humber Games have been a complete joke since that perfect 9 innings he threw earlier in the season.
10) Smoak What I’m Rolen – What did I say about Justin Smoak? The ‘smoke’ similarities are just too easy to pass up. Scott Rolen is another guy who’s last name has lent itself to a number of entertaining fantasy team names over the years. Combine them, and you’ve got solid gold.
Some Personal Favorites: Newest Fantasy Team Names
1) Party Gronk Anthem – Has anyone in the history of professional sports gone bigger than Gronk? Sure you have the coke-head athletes, but this guy just straight up wishes he never left college. Pics with pornstars, fist-pumping like a chance. This guy can play for my team anyday. Oh wait, I’m a Patriots fan so I guess I already have that fortune.
2) Rebuilding Since 1908 – This one is just heartbreaking. My Boston roots make my heart pour out for this desperate fellow. I was there once, in the midst of an epic drought. I can only tell you that it gets better. Or maybe not, because the Red Sox did collapse in epic fashion last season…
3) The Junior Say Ows – Remember that line I talked about earlier where someone goes too far but I still laugh? This is that line. This redefines that line. This team name may in fact push that line well beyond where it once stood. But in all seriousness, props to Junior Seau on an incredible career and being an incredible human being. RIP.
Alright well that wraps up this edition of the Fantasy Team Names update, we hope you enjoyed it thoroughly. Best of luck to you in the weeks ahead and remember, if you got a funny team name, we will find it and give you a shout out right here!